Why your eating changes at a crossroad in life
Wellness and nutrition influencer culture often portrays an "optimized" life filled with multi-step morning routines and a lifestyle that circles around health and wellness as a central axis. Yes, a morning routine can very well contribute to a sunnier, more empowered start to the day.
But how do we navigate some of the bigger disruptions of life? What about the real human changes we go through? When we change jobs? Have babies? Become empty-nesters? Endure betrayals? Change residences? Go through major relationship challenges? Suffer the loss of a loved one or significant person in our lives? Navigate uncertainty about the future?
Is it to be assumed that our eating and wellness routines go unaffected and remain static? Is it soaking your chia seeds and hitting your protein goals no matter what? Is this how we measure we're still okay and successful? If we're unable to maintain certain dietary benchmarks, does this mean we are weak and not disciplined enough or self-loving enough?
What I'm offering here as both a therapist and eating psychology counselor is a down-to-earth look at what's NATURAL to expect from ourselves and our eating when we go through big life changes or stand at a crossroad in life:
Why your eating changes at a crossroad in life
In general, when I'm working with someone who is going through a particularly challenging
time in life, my encouragement is to simplify as much as can be simplified. When it comes to eating this might look different from one person to the next. A person who generally likes to cook a variety of healthy food, might not have access to the same sense of zest for activity and might be better off assembling simple meals, cooking in batches to minimize cooking time, or finding a decent establishment for take-out to lean on for a while. When I was going through a period of major upheaval in my life in my early 30s, I remember relying on hard-boiled eggs, baked sweet potatoes, apples with peanut butter, and pastries from the local bakery down the road. Was it terrible? No. Was I hitting a variety of nutritional benchmarks with my diet? Also no, not really. But the more important question is: Who cares?
During times of disorientation, our capacity changes. The brain might be vigilant on its hunt for certainty. Our appetite might change. The energy we do have might be channelled toward particular areas of priority. So instead of expecting to maintain or achieve nutritional ideal during a difficult time, one might be better off asking some of the following questions:
"How does my attitude toward eating make sense given what's going on in my life?"
"What is kind and necessary right now?"
"What is kind and necessary with my eating right now?"
"Can I relax into what's happening?"
"What is honestly and truly 'my best' right now?"
"What is worth maintaining as a basic benchmark to help me feel well?"
When discipline is an anchor
I remember chatting with a loved one who had gone through a grueling divorce process and he shared that part of what helped him get through it was starting regular therapy sessions with a psychologist and somewhat regular routine of waking up early and doing a strength building workout and eating in a way to support it. These both acted as anchors in an otherwise unmoored time of life. For him, these practices helped create a sense of predictability and felt far more positive and productive to lean on versus excessive drinking, for example. I'm offering this example as a counter-balance. Only you can decide what is "kind and necessary" in your life during a crossroads or difficult transition.
From the age of 30 to now 43, I have moved three times. I recall how steadying it was, regardless of the new spaces I found myself in, to open the day with the same ritual. It acted as a way of locating myself and my center, independent of the outer environment.
When eating feels regressive
Probably one of the more demoralizing experiences some people can have is experiencing a sudden revival of painful eating habits during a difficult period, habits a person thought were a thing of the past. Say you used to suffer from disordered eating when you were younger, whether you used to binge eat, restrict food severely, or overly fixate on the content of the diet, and suddenly you find yourself gripped by the impulse or are suddenly quite literally acting out these behaviors during a period of upheaval. Yes, it can feel like regression and one might be quick to judge oneself or get quite scared of the direction things seems to be headed. But really, these are times where our capacity to be with what is is being challenged, and young parts of us and dormant complexes are being mobilized under this specific psychological pressure. Getting outside support and slowing down helps. Different seasons of life bring with them different developmental tasks. Self-responsibility, permission for rest, speaking up, making peace with solitude, making peace with the past, or claiming one's power/moving out helplessness or collapse are just a few tasks women might be called to take on.
An inclusive view
Let it be known, I'm all for dedication to health-related practices that enhance life. This also includes the value derived from the humbling experiences of supposedly knowing "what to do" and...not doing it. Excellence and fulfilling potential is one aspect of life. Yet we will all go through difficult or upending times and are called to meet ourselves there as well, and accept the human-shaping gifts only difficult periods can bring.
With love & respect,
Laura
You can reach Laura here and here, to inquire about one-on-one support and therapy at her West Michigan office in Grand Rapids, or remotely via Zoom for clients who prefer working remotely or live out of town/state.
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